Ban Golf Clubs!

There is a shadow across America. A deep, dark menace, bigger than drugs, worse than guns, more sinister than Communism.

I am, of course, referring to golf clubs.

These long, heavy blunt instruments are dangerous weapons. Even a weak and unskilled individual could grab a golf club and beat another human being to death with only a few strokes. Every day on the news we see reports of another child beating their sibling to death during a “play fight,” or a disturbed individual who grabs golf clubs and goes on a rampage.

It is truly baffling that such dangerous objects can be bought from any store that sells sporting goods. They are completely unregulated, not even requiring age verification or any sort of I.D. Even a child could buy a golf club, no questions asked!

Surely the American public is aware of the potential for violence surrounding these things. After all, the media has depicted golf clubs as a favored weapon of vigilantes and thugs for generations. Think back to the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. What was Casey Jones’ signature weapon?

And yet we allow these things to circulate with zero regulation, for the sole excuse that they’re used for “sport.” The fact of the matter is that there are other sports besides golf, and it would not harm our culture at all if Golf were to suddenly disappear. Would you rather have one more sport be available, or one more child alive and unbeaten?

Please, do the right thing. Contact your state representative right now and tell them you will NOT stand for this state of affairs! Ask for an unconditional ban on golf clubs! Do it for the children!

Together, we can make a difference!


2 thoughts on “Ban Golf Clubs!

  1. Good job!

    I’m surprised “the usual suspects” haven’t pounced on this one yet. Either they haven’t seen it or they finally grew up and figured out that they only make themselves look bad every time they lash out.

    • I appreciate the moral support.

      Although, I want to say that this entry was about making fun of how quick society in general is to think that banning will solve problems when historically bans have never solved anything, NOT taking pot shots at forumites I’ve had arguments with (that’s who I suspect you mean by “usual suspects”, please correct me if I’m wrong). In general I’m trying to move away from making posts about forum dramas because its really beneath me and really is kinda immature, and besides this was supposed to be a gaming blog and I’d like to get back on that. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop making general-issue or satirical posts like these but I don’t want them to always be connected to some douchebags I argued with once.

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